An analyst at heart

While I’ve been on bed rest, I’ve had the opportunity to think A LOT. Thinking for me pretty much always leads to analyzing things, in this case, others.

I’ve never had any sort of medical problems. (I know, poor me, right?) To be honest, for a while I was quite scared for my baby’s life. After having this scare of our baby being born very prematurely, I’ve gotten all sorts of reactions from people.

Those who call 2-3 times a week to see how I’m feeling.

Those who ask me how I’m doing and want a sincere answer

Those who bring me books and flowers

Those who offer to bring food to our home

Those who bring me things to do with my hands (sewing)

Those who offer their dog for comfort

Those who call after they heard the news to find out what’s going on

Those who tell me “don’t worry, we’ll be able to go shopping in a few weeks.” Though they have no idea if      it’s true

Those who offer their prayers

Those who offer to make me food to be eaten in bed

Those who don’t talk to me at all about what’s going on, but continue to have a conversation like everything    is normal.

Those who ask me a million questions to understand what’s going on

Those who talk to nurses to get some more “insight” as to what’s going on

To all of you who have done these things, I thank you. It would be really easy to read our blog or hear about our situation and think “that stinks for them”. But to you who have taken the time to pray or/and do something to support us, I say thanks times a million. I hope you know your kind actions and prayers were felt. Because of your prayers I have literally felt more at ease with what’s going on.  

Thanks times a million

Jess

To start this post is not meant to elicit feelings of pity of sadness for our situation. We feel so incredibly blessed for the wonderful opportunity we have been given to become parents. With that in mind here’s the low down. A few weeks ago we visited our doctor for a routine checkup. We initially had a sonogram to check on the health of the baby and to take some measurements in order to monitor things. Our sonogram tech was oddly quiet and didn’t say much, this was a little odd at the time. Once we were done we went in and waited to speak with our doctor. As soon as she entered we were told that there was good news and bad news. Good news, the baby was healthy. Bad news, Jess apparently had what is called a dynamic cervix. For those of you who don’t know, the cervix is the muscle that keeps the baby inside cooking as long as possible. The case with a dynamic cervix is that it changes lengths randomly, this can create serious problems if not dealt with. We were told to immediately go to the hospital and get a steroid shot to assist in the baby’s lung development and the following day were scheduled to go see a specialist.

The specialist saw the same thing as our regular doctor and prescribed a regimen of hormone treatments to help the issue. At this point Jess was told to be on modified bed rest, meaning that she could walk to get around the house but could not stand for extended periods of time or do household chores. Basically she was ordered to lay in bed and watch Netflix, read books, and do other things that are possible when in an extremely reclined position. To me this sounds awesome, but it eventually drove Jess out of her mind. We had a follow up appointment with the specialist the following week to monitor things. Jess was totally a trooper during this week and did exactly as she was directed by our team of medical experts, I’ve always wanted to say that we had a team of medical experts…awesome. We show up for our follow up and the specialists sonogram machine was busted, we sat in their office for an hour and a half before we were told anything. We kindly informed them this was a special visit and that we needed to be seen by someone. I had the brilliant idea that we could go to our regular doctor since we were just down the street.

Eventually we got in to see a doctor and things had improved dramatically. The dynamic issue was not evident during the scans that were done, bed rest was ordered to continue as was the hormone treatments and we had another appointment for the following Tuesday. We go in for our second follow up visit and the improvement trend continued. To stay on the safe side bed rest was once again continued as were the hormone treatments.

So, everyone is all caught up now. Despite all the poking and prodding Jess is great, our sweet baby girl (Codename Peanut) is healthy and strong, right where she should be as far as development and size. I’m not going to lie it was a scary few moments for us but now it seems the worst is past us and that things are holding steady, which is awesome. Jess and I both had our freakout moments but thanks to a competent and caring medical team we are doing just fine. Everything is awesome and we are prepping to meet this little girl (Codename Peanut) in a few months.

Michael

A year of heartache, disappointment and eventual acceptance..mostly

How does one start a blog about something that is so personal? I guess, with a question.

Though the year isn’t quite over, it’s been a hard year for me.

Mike and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year and it hasn't happened. My inquisitive personality asks why constantly.

 In the beginning I thought, “Weird. I thought we’d be pregnant by now.” As those months of disappointment continued my thoughts changed. I questioned why God wasn’t allowing us to get pregnant. I thought maybe He knows I’d be a bad mom. Maybe I’m not mature enough. Maybe I couldn’t handle a kid and I just need to accept I’m not “mom” material. Maybe God’s trying to tell me something and I’m not listening.

There were countless tears and confusion. I felt alone. It’s hard being a Mormon when everything is about families and Mike and I are the ONLY couple in the ward without kids. Sometimes that makes it hard to make friends or keep them. But I didn’t expect to be angry. I was angry with anyone who asked me why we didn’t have kids. I wanted to SCREAM at them, “I’m trying! But it’s not working!” I was angry with people who complained about their kids. I also wanted to scream, “at least you HAVE kids!” I was angry when fertile –myrtle’s told me, “don’t worry about it, it’ll happen.” I was angry with God for not giving me a child. Isn’t wanting to have a child a righteous desire? Mostly I was angry at myself. I took full responsibility for not having a child. What was I doing wrong? If it’s me, I’ll fix it.

Mike has been great. My rock. He has so much faith. He gets that things will happen in God’s time. God’s time, that’s something I’ve always (and I expect will always) struggle with.

I’m not saying I’m completely done being sad. It is still hard for me, but a couple of months ago I put my struggles back on God. I had one of “those” prayers. I poured all of my heart and emotion out to God and told Him to just take it. I decided that I can do what I can do, and God will take care of the rest. So it’s in His hands now. After that, I was reminded that the atonement (Christ’s suffering and eventual death) is a real thing we can use when the days are hard. That moment has changed my life. I understand that we just have to do our best. Sometimes things really are out of our control and those are the times when we have to have real faith that God’s timing is perfect.

The moment when I knew I believed that having a child is in God’s hands and timing was when a little girl asked me why I don’t have kids yet. Instead of the usual answer of “Don’t know.” I said, “ we’re waiting on God.” She was confused and said, “I thought mom’s and dad’s decide that.” I replied, much to my surprise, “yes but it’s all in His timing.” I don’t think she understood, but I am grateful that she asked.

God’s timing is perfect.

I don’t know when we’ll have kids. I don’t know if we’ll adopt. I don’t know, but I know God does. At least for today, that’s all I need.  

I know a year isn’t half as long as many people wait to have children. But to all of you no matter if you’ve been trying for years or months and it hasn’t happened, your pain is real and no less important than anyone else’s.  

 To all of you women and men who are struggling, I hope you can see that you are not alone and God’s plan for you is perfect.

*I do know that it can take well over a year for healthy couples to get pregnant. I'm also aware of everything that Mike and I can do in order to better our chances. My hope is that this post doesn't read as a "cry for help/advice" but instead just a piece of my story that I wanted to share with you about something I learned. We are praying and hopeful that God provides answers for us this year as we continue trying!

Shampoooooo and Conditioner

A few weeks ago my sister-in-law asked me about my favorite products I've used. Hopefully my "reviews" will help when choosing different shampoo's and conditioners. 

Here is what I came up with:  

1.

 2.3.4.

5. 6.7.

       

1. Wella- I liked this product ok. It definatly is not the worst product I've used, but not the greatest. I have not used Wella in 4 years so I’d probably use it again, just to change things up.

http://www.wella.com/en-US/professionals-care.aspx

·         2. Paul mitchell- This can be a little heavy on my hair, but it depends on which type you use. I usually get the color care or the original

http://www.paulmitchell.com/en-us/Products/PaulMitchell/ColorCare/Pages/ColorProtectDailyShampoo.aspx

I do like the clarifying shampoo by Paiul Mitchell. I use that about once a month in the summer because of swimming and such that build’s up in the hair.

·        3. Nioxin- the shampoo is great, but you may have to use a lot to cover your head. I wasn't a fan of the conditioner

http://www.soap.com/p/nioxin-system-1-cleanser-82484?site=CA&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc_S&utm_term=BEL-111B&utm_campaign=GoogleAW&CAWELAID=1323240394&utm_content=pla&adtype=pla&cagpspn=pla

4. Joico K-PAK Color Therapy Shampo- This is what I'm using right now. I actually don't like it very much. I bought a big bottle and I've been waiting for the "Magic" to happen. It hasn't happened. So now I'm using more than I need when I wash my hair just to use it up and move on. I'm thinking of using the rest to bathe my dogs.

http://www.beautydeals.net/shop/details.html?id=10770&utm_source=Google_Base&utm_medium=Feed&utm_campaign=Feed&gclid=CIDcr4eg_bcCFVRp7Aod1FcAYQ

5. Dermorganic- I'm also using this for my conditioner. I LOVE this product. It leaves my hair so soft, but not heavy. It looks like it's sold in Target too! 

http://www.dermorganic.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=3

I’ve only seen the following sold at Visible Changes at the Collin Creek mall in Plano TX.

·        

 6.  Pro Color's conditioner is my favorite conditioner I've used by far. The shampoo I liked as well.

http://www.peninsulabeauty.com/hair_procolor_c593_c1472.htm

·         7. Premier encore- deep conditioning use once a week or so.  I liked this deep conditioner but I don’t think I liked the shampoo and conditioner

 http://visiblechanges.com/product/encore-conditioner/

My hair is thick but fine, so you may have experienced different things if you've used these products. 

Also I follow this blog and love her. She's a stylist and posted her favorite shampoos and conditioners.

http://www.thesmallthingsblog.com/2013/06/tips-for-shampoo-and-conditioner.html

Hope this helped.

Good luck.

I'm always looking for new products. What are your favorite shampoo and conditioners?

(I wasn't paid by any company to review their products) 

A small phrase that is making a big impact

It’s been a few months so I’ll catch you up on “what’s new with Jess”. I graduated! That was such a relief. Although sometimes I feel like the same feeling as when I got my associates; there is just more school ahead of me so I better not get too excited. I've done my best to find a job, but it hasn't come yet. I decided, rather the Spirit told me, to get my butt to the temple and pray because the Lord had some things He wanted to tell me. I went yesterday. While sitting in the room waiting for it to start I told myself to be completely open minded. No matter what the Lord was going to tell me, I’d accept it. Ha. (if you know me that goes against everything I am). Back to the original story, after I was felt the Spirit, I immediately started to cry. Not just the one single tear rolling gently and eloquently down my perfectly shapen face. No, this was while crying, thinking in my head to the ladies sitting next to me, “please don’t hear me, please don’t hear me…and if you do hear me, don’t talk to me.” (no one talked to me, so I guess my thoughts worked, or they just felt awkward and decided to let me "cry it out"...I'll go with they didn't hear me) I also felt from the Spirit not to worry about the future. (this is something I struggle with daily). The quote that came to my head was something when said by a friend, aka Mike I get annoyed, even angry, but when I came from God, I believed it. 

“Just do your best, everything will work out.”

I hate it when people (Mike) say(s) that because it seems like a thing to say to get out of a conversation, but when God said that, I knew it was true. All He asks is for me to do my best. He will always take care of me. Always. So, for the first time in a long time, I’m not planning my future year by year. I’m not even planning it month by month. I have some very open plans for my future, but I have no idea if they’ll work out. For whatever reason, that makes me smile.

Here goes nothing…

It's about TIME!!

This blog is just to catch up on a few things that have happened in the past few months. It's quite long, so if you're up for the challenge, here it goes...I really wanted to blog at least once a week after we got back from Yellowstone, but school papers took priority. I’m pretty sure our blogs would have been too formally written because we’d be in “school paper writing mode” anyway.

I am graduating in May and I got all A’s this past semester. Mike was finally able to go to his advisor and they told him he has 5 more upper level classes he has to take. This means he’s going to take 4 in the coming semester and one in the summer. You may be wondering why he doesn't just take 5 classes this semester….history majors read A LOT. A LOT. So there is no way he would be able to keep up. He’ll still walk in May.

Mike got a job working as a supervisor at the Rock Wall at TWU. He LOVES his job. I’ve never seen him so excited to go to work every day. He loves the people he works with and what he does. If that job paid more and had benefits, I think he’d want to work there forever. 

This is Craig on the rockwall

At my job, I got to put together a play with the kids. They wrote most of the plays, we just fine tuned them so they were intelligible. That is one of my favorite things about this job. Silly as it sounds (because I want to go into counseling) I love any sort of live performance. Perhaps it’s because of my childhood and dancing for so many years, but I digress. The kids were awesome and the iPhones of the parents were filming. I love to see the pride of the parents and the children after their performance. Those big goofy smiles warm my heart. I’m really going to miss this job. I have to work as a substitute this semester because of one stinking class I HAVE to take to graduate. As much as I love those kids, I would LOVE to graduate more. I’ll be going from school to school to fill in where needed. This means I will not build relationships with the kids. Hopefully I’ll get to visit Newton Rayzor at some point.

The Turkey Trot went great. I ran for most of the 5K and Mike (because of his knee) walked it. It felt good to run. The only bad part was the amount of people. I’m glad so many people ran because of the donations to YMCA but to actually run was difficult. I’m pretty sure I ran at least 4 miles dodging people. We ran around down town Dallas. The roads in down town are very sloped. Unfortunately for the runners the walkers walked in the middle of the road where it’s relativity level so we were forced to run along the sloped part of the road. All in all it was fun but I think our next run will be one that is less crowded.

After running with my brothers

Nancy, Nathan, Mike and I went camping one weekend in the middle of November. Nancy and Nathan went up Friday night but Mike didn’t get off of work until 9:00 so we went up the next afternoon. Apparently, camping Friday night was a total nightmare. Nancy bought this new tent that is at least quadruple the size of ours. They had never put the tent up before and arrived after the sun had gone down. Let’s just say new tent + dark = unhappy campers. When it was time for them to go to bed, someone forgot the sleeping bags and it was pretty cold, so they were freezing all night. They seemed ok when we arrived Sat afternoon, but honestly I’m surprised they stayed. I would have packed my bags and gone home. That’s one thing people can say about Nancy and Nathan, they stick it out even when it’s tough…or in this case, dark and cold. We left Sat and went into town. We ate at this amazing BBQ restaurant. As I’ve gotten older, I don’t like red meat as much, but a good BBQ restaurant sways me from giving it up all together. We then went exploring and found a (supposedly) haunted old hotel. The place was empty but the architecture was amazing. I wish we still had architecture like that on the new buildings. I know it costs more but it’s so amazing. We went back to camp and started up the meal. That night Nancy went to bed (with the sleeping bag we brought them) and the rest of us stayed up. The guys talked and I listened for the most part. I realized how much I missed when all my brothers went to camp. Talking about farting and poop for HOURS. HOURSSSS. For the most part, I looked at the stars. The next day we went to place we came for, Mineral Wells. The rocks were amazing and super fun to climb in, on and around. Mike was scouting it out for his job. They have amazing climbs for beginners all the way to expert. I’ve never climbed on real rocks before and hope to tag along when the rock wall staff go on the trip.  

Christmas was super fun. Mike and I went to my dad’s house in Texarkana a few days before and hung out with him and Valerie. For the most part we just relaxed which was nice. On Christmas Eve we went to my dad’s parents. We had our annual Christmas eve presentation. It’s where we sing and do goofy games. We also watched the nativity which brought the spirit. It is always fun. Mike says he loves it but it was a lot to take in the first year he went. Mike and I are in charge of it next Christmas eve. 

My silly family

We drove back to Denton that night. The next morning we had Christmas here. I got an onezie which I will wear while camping because I’m always cold at night. You’re welcome for the picture.

 Some of my favorite gifts this year were gift cards and money. Why? You may ask. Patti, Nancy and I went to San Marcos this past weekend. We went shopping ALL day Saturday…I mean ALL day, 8:30am-9:00pm. It was relaxing and crazy at the same time. We literally mapped out the stores we wanted to visit and got there right as they were opening. The deal of the day was my boots. Originally they were $200. The tag said they were marked down to $130. I loved them and they were leather so I was going to do it anyway. When I got to the cashier, Nancy had a coupon and it turns out the boots were reduced down to $50!!! You heard it from $200 to $50! I was so excited. I got adult clothes, something I think I’ve been needing seeing as how I’m about to graduate. No more dressing like a college student for me.  We had so much fun together. I’m really glad we did it. If Mike and I are here next Christmas, I hope we can do it again.

For New Year’s we spent it with friends. They made an amazing turkey and everyone brought some side dishes. We played a game that may be my new favorite game called sentences. Basically everyone writes a sentence down and passes the paper to the person next to them. That person draws a picture of the sentence and then fold the paper so the next person can’t see the words of the sentence. They pass the paper to the person next to them and they have to write a sentence based on the picture. It gets pretty funny. When the clock hit midnight we kissed and said goodbye. We’re not late nighters. All in all it was a good time. 

If you made it to the end congrats!

Thanks for reading,

Jess